I’m Quiet, I’m Not Dumb

I am that quiet girl.  

For a few reasons.  One, I truly dont like confrontation.  I get worked up.  It makes my heart race.  I feel like such an ass when I do confront someone.  I worry that the other person will never be able to move on past what I say.  I hate being the cause of other people in an area to feel uncomfortable due to something I did before.  And I never, ever, want people to feel like they have to choose.  When we care about people, we never make them choose. 

Another reason I’m quiet is because I have dealt with a narcissist and I know how that shit can be flipped on you when it’s a lie.  Now true, not everyone acts like that, but not everyone shows their narcissistic tendencies until you are already in over your head.  And the last reason I am, because I don’t want to be the person who loses out.  Which is so fucking dumb.  If someone is going to let me out their life over me speaking up, I’m better off, but still.  Maybe that person does stand by me, but maybe then they are put in a bind.  I don’t want to be the cause of that.  


You can be rude to me.  You can make side comments to me.  You can be short and out of line.  You can be all those things to me.  Guess what I will do when that happens?  


I’ll still be nice to you.  I will acknowledge you.  I will respect you.  I will hold a conversation with you when you start it.  You will never have any idea that I have totally got your number.  You will never have any idea that I am tolerating you.  You will never have any idea that I have a note about you in my brain.  That you are rude, disrespectful, someone I will never turn my  back to, someone I will never open up to, someone that tolerates you but can’t stand you.  You showed me your hand of cards and I memorized them. I have your card.  I know you.  And it’s nasty and unpleasant.  The only difference between you and I is that I can be an adult.  I can be pleasant and make everyone else feel comfortable.  Because that is the fair and nice thing to do.  That’s the right thing to do.  It’s the adult thing to do.

So, I see you.  

I made a note on your contact card that’s in my head. 

And it’s not just me.  I asked the people closest to me.  I even asked people close to you.  Everyone is in agreement.  Bitchy.  So, in this case it’s not me.  And I’m ok with that.  I’m ok with what and who you are.  Trust me, I’ve had bigger obstacles. After this entry, you won’t even be an extra thought in my mind.  Rude is as rude does.  

The thing is, my mamma taught me better.

Don’t think my lack of words means those actions are ok.  I got your card.  It’s just not as pretty as mine.

Have a great day everyone!!!  I got a football table to assemble.  Let the fun begin!!!

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