I have a group of friends I socialize with. Socialize is about it, I see them at parties and events with big groups of people, but I never see them outside of that. I tried, I’ve arranged to do things with people I really like from that group one on one, but I have no luck. I’ve tried to not take it personal, but it gets hard. Especially when one in that group is just an outright bitch to me and I have no idea why.
I see the groups of couples hanging out. I’ve always been excluded from those groups, but it was because I was always the single one. I got that, and frankly, I appreciated not being invited because it’s just awkward. I can’t say I didn’t feel a bit sad when I was left out, but I got it. However, for over a year now, I’ve not been the single one. I’m still invited to the group parties and they have all met my great and awesome boyfriend. Hell, some even offer to do shots with him ONLY when I’m not there. You guessed it, the bitch was behind that. I guess what I’m saying is, they all know him. Hell, they see my FB and they know we are together.
This weekend on vacation I saw a picture on Facebook. A picture tagging many different people. You guessed it, the same group of “friends”. This is the norm, group outings of friends, couples outings, and I’m still not invited. I then realized that one of those couples is always invited out to dinner with my Panda and I, yet never seem to surface. While sitting on my balcony this weekend, looking at the water, I turned to him and asked him
“Why do I even bother to see what all these people are doing? It hurts my feelings and yet I sit here and let them unknowingly hurt my feelings.”
His reply was pretty much confirming what I was saying.
I unfollowed these people.
I don’t hate them. It’s the exact opposite. I care too much. However, my feelings aren’t a concern, and that is ok for them. They don’t need to worry about my feelings, or thoughts, or anything like that. It’s all on ME to stop allowing myself to be hurt. I don’t see a reason to unfriend them. It’s not that anything bad has happened, it’s just me not trying anymore.
Therapy is an amazing thing. You learn boundaries. You learn your self worth. You learn when to stop allowing things to happen to you. You learn to take back control. I deserve more than the excuse to not show up. So, it’s time for me to bust my ass and stop being too nice to people. Time to take care of myself.
Speaking of that, I’m training for a 5k with my boyfriend. I hate sweat. I love training for this. Instead of sitting around being sad that this has happened and people can hurt my feelings, I realized I need to get back on the wagon of health. I’m not on awful meds. I’m not feeling sick. I’ve got no reason to stop working on me. So, I have put the effort and time into me to get on the wagon and get healthy. Shit, I was down 17 pounds but I gained it all back. Truth is, I’ll do this damn 5k without my boyfriend if I have to. It started as his goal, but I’ve grabbed it and made it my own also. All mine. With or without you or anyone else. I got this.
Thank you Justin Rubin and Daily Burn for getting me moving. Thank you Ryka for your kick as Women only shoes. I’d be lost without my Powerbeats2 Beats By Dre because they pair so awesomely with my Apple Watch Sport Series 2 so I don’t have to haul a phone with me on my walks. And biggest props to Fabletics. Seriously, there stuff is way too awesome. (My boyfriend’s sister’s dog peed on me and didn’t even know except it got super warm on my leg, that’s how awesome their stuff is). I love walking now. I love parks. I love the sun. I love the me time. And I love not having my phone so I don’t get texts and calls but I still get my music from my watch.
The only thing I have to work on getting back into now is traveling.
So on that note, I’m going to book that hotel for my birthday. Then go buy presents for my twin cousin’s 3rd birthday.
Have a great day everyone…and remember, life is good. 🙂