I’m done

Being the nice girl.

Being the one to always say I’m sorry after a disagreement.

Being the one to make plans to end up being canceled on.

Being the one that makes the phone calls.

Being the one with the first initial text message.

Being the one that replies to Facebook updates and pics while I don’t exist in your social media world.

Being remembered only when you need a shoulder.

Being needed only in the bad times and never in the good.

Friendships and relationships are a two way street and somehow I seem to have been the one riding one way and forgotten on the other.  I have allowed this to happen my whole life.  But no more.

I deserve more and it’s about damn time I make that happen.

It doesn’t mean I don’t care.

It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt me.  But truth is, behind my closed door, I have cried many times over you.  You simply didn’t know.  I realized that in order for the pain to stop, and the tear marks to go away, I have to say no more.

No more.

Those are not easy words.  Those are not words that came without thought.  But they are words that lead to a clearer path in my life.  A path of happiness.  Friends should want that for one another.  Truth is, in many cases, I feel like I want it for you more than you.  More than most my friends.  It hurts my heart.

No more doesn’t mean it’s a forever goodbye.  It simply means this is my life and you can’t cross it.  But if you truly need helping wanting better for yourself, I am here.

Your cheerleader.

Your safe space.

But until then, this is my line.

It wasn’t drawn easy.

But it was drawn out of love.  For both myself and for you.

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