I need to clear some things up

There’s been a lot of assumptions about little ole me.   I had tried to ignore them because of the fact it’s old crap, but since people don’t let things die, I feel a need to express myself correctly.

A year ago I cut ties with an abuser in my life.  It took a good friend, screen name Haywire1974, to point out some obvious things to me that allowed me to take a stance against my abuser and face what he was going to do to me so I could break free.  I knew I had at least one friend in my corner.

I spoke up, took power back from my abuser, and moved on with my life.  My abuser didn’t take too nicely to that.  He filed false police reports against me.  I spent so much time with officers in his city proving his facts as faulty and lies.  They got a few laughs with how many holes were in his story and how much evidence I had showing he’s a liar who was simply scared because I had caused so much chaos in his life.  They asked me if I wished to pursue those lies but I declined.  I just wanted to move on and let it go.  Truth was, I was satisfied proving to authorities he’s a liar.  He will need them in the future, but they will always have a doubt of his word from those two months I spent with them.  I still call and update things he’s done, a year later.  I’ve learned I did the one thing you can’t do to a narcissist.  I took control from him and walked away.

I want to clear up the following.

I have never stated the things I did in that turbulent time of my life were perfect.  I made mistakes, I lashed out at the wrong people, and I trusted the wrong people.  But I have learned now I am the prime example of victim blaming.  I mean it got so bad that people that didn’t know me at all, just the words of a liar, believed I was even a bad mom.  Say what you want, but leave my kid out of it.

It’s been a year now.  I still get emails about how much of a bitch I am, how much of a psycho I am, how pathetic of a person I am, how much of a loser I am, how I should die, how I should get over it, how I should move on, how much of a slut I am, how much of a whore I am, how I got what I deserved.  Heck, I even have a fake Facebook page with my name that lists my occupation as home wrecker.  Even Facebook won’t take the page down as it doesn’t violate their terms and conditions.  Thanks Facebook.

People feel the need to still include me in this drama.  People feel that the words of my abuser speak for me.  That’s fine.  I don’t need people like that in my life.  I’m truly not missing anything.  I understand the messages, it’s because I got under your skin and you can’t handle I left and you lost control.   Having your minions do you work is a bit sad, but I excuse them because I am out of the situation long enough to know how abused and used and probably blackmailed they are, like I was.  I forgive them.  I actually would tell them, don’t worry honey, leave, it’s not so bad.  I lived, you will too.

But what I need to clear up is this.

There is this apparent belief that I’m still in victim mode.  This assumption that I am upset I got played and used and abused.  That I sit here and am upset and cry over it.  Let me clear that up.

I DO NOT REGRET MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY ABUSER!

I’m not happy I had to live through it.  But shit, I am so happy with what it made me do for myself.  I got help.  Friends, like Haywire1974, stepped up and showed me they are true friends.  My family rallied behind me and showed me love like I haven’t seen from them for years.  I got myself in therapy and learned HOW this happened to me.  I’ve learned a whole lot of worth of myself.  I’ve learned how to stand on my own two feet and not be so afraid of the world.  I’ve become a safe place for other abused friends of mine that had no where else to go.  I actually have so much self confidence because I have learned I can overcome ANYTHING!

But mostly, I have taught my daughter you can overcome an abuser.  It doesn’t destroy you if you don’t let it.  You can depend on people.  You do have support.  You do have a reason to find self worth.  You do have a purpose for this world.

It also taught me to appreciate the good things in people.  Things I would have overlooked as TOO nice of men to do, or trying TOO hard to please me…those aren’t bad things, those are admirable things.  My abuser taught me what NOT to look for and therapy taught me what I DESERVE.  My abuser led me to the love of my life.  To a man that accepts everything about me.  A man that knew day one of my abuser, of my history, of my past, and he didn’t run.  My truth and honesty from day one attracted him, because it meant I wasn’t about games.  I have a partner in my life with the same goals, the same wishes, and the same hopes as me.  I have a partner in life who wants to take care of me and treat me as a queen.  Before my abuser, I would not have given him a chance.  But, because of that past abuse, I saw this man as a rare find, and I gave it my all.  The pay out has been great.  I’ve never once in my life had a relationship that’s so open, so honest, so truthfully, so committed, so easy to be in, so easy to love him, in my life.

My abuser gave me that.

So to those sending me messages, that’s fine.  It’s old, but the purpose of sending them isn’t what you get from me.  You just annoy me.  And I pity you, because I truly am sad that after a year, you can’t let me go.  You can’t move on.  I hope you find some peace with yourself and your life.  I hope you break free and I truly hope you find what I have.  I don’t wish you bad will.  I don’t wish anything to do with you, honestly.

But don’t ever think I regret the path my life has taken.  Everyone comes in your life for a reason.  I had to hit rock bottom.  Once I did and saved myself, I was rewarded with a life I never imagined.  In the end….

I WIN.

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