The Effects Of Abuse Affect More Than The Victim

Today my best friend posted an article about how she’s not a good friend now due to being a mom.  The article explains how she has made her life about her son as he’s her focus and how everything else kind of takes a back seat to her son.   It made my heart kind of sad to read that.  It wasn’t because she is being involved with her son, it made me sad cause she doesn’t see what is truly occurring.

We aren’t close at all anymore.  It has nothing to do with her son.  It has to do with her relationship with her husband.

I have been in therapy for awhile.  I’ve made a lot of progress yet I have a whole lot to do.  One of the hurdles I have been working on is my own self esteem, self worth, and making boundaries for what I deserve and don’t deserve from people in my life.  I have worked on making boundaries with people.  Maybe it makes me seem like a bitch and a snob, but really it’s for my own mental health.

I have dealt with her being cheated on for years.  The constant conversations of how unhappy she is, or how she’s planning on leaving, the posts on FB about divorce lawyers, the anger of him blowing up her phone and not trust her when she spends time with friends.  I’ve been a rock and there for her and was ok with it because I too, felt like I wasn’t worth a thing.  We were truly 2 peas in the same pod.  But something flipped.

He hit on me one night.  Her husband.  I told her, she didn’t seem to care.  That was issue 1.

Then I defended her after a public slandering on FB.  He attacked me.  Called me a bitch.  Threatened me and then insulted me.  He spent a morning messaging me with horrific insults about my vagina.  He told me I’m not welcome at their house.  He instructed his wife to not speak with me, to not be friends with me.  She didn’t put him in his place.  I mean more than ever before they are closer than they were before.  This was in October 2015.  I was so insulted that I defended her and I was insulted and they got closer.  What friend does that?

Then I met a great guy.  An amazing guy.  Who isn’t jealous.  He doesn’t belittle me.  He doesn’t insult me.  He lifts me up.  He encourages me to be with my friends, to have me time. and to build with me.  I’ve never been so uplifted by a partner in my life.  It’s made me feel amazing.  And it’s also shown me that I am not truly her friend.  Friends don’t do that.  And I pulled up my boundary line.

This is not ok.

This is not alright.

I realize that now.

And I will not accept it.

So she can have her bubble of her son being why she’s not around.  She can think that.  But I’ve spent months trying to explain how friends work, what friends don’t allow, and what friends support each other for.  I would never let someone talk to or about my friends like her husband did.

Personally, I think the idea of doing everything with her son is important to her because it’s the tie to her husband she so desperately wants because in the end she told me the most telling thing.  “I don’t want to be alone”.

I’m just sad victims of abuse that don’t want to be alone have no idea that removing that weight, that abuse, that even if you are single, you will feel even less alone than you do now.

Are you dealing with a Narcissist?  A victim of abuse?

Here’s some guides to read up on and some resources to help you and those you love.

Hallmarks of narcissists

Narcissistic Personality Disorder30 Signs of Emotional Abuse

30 Signs of Emotional Abuse

Domestic Abuse Intervention Services

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s